Stupid Is as Stupid Does and You Can’t Fix Stupid

Ever heard that saying before?  I have lived it on occasion and did so again recently.  By confessing, my goal is twofold; get it off my chest and help someone else feel better.  Here are a couple of my bigger bonehead moves.  Both involve my passion for all things automotive.

A few years back, I picked up a beautiful 1989 Porsche 944 S2 to replace the 1986 944 that I had been putting on the road course.  The 944 was fun and I did well in the corners but then had to move over on the straight-aways to let everyone else go by.  Got tired of that.  Anyway, first time out on track with S2, I decided that rather than take it easy and go slow, getting used to handling and power of this much faster car, I decided to go for the track record.  Guess I was excited and confident all at the same time.  As you might guess, in the third turn of first lap, I lost it and after a spin went into the wall, causing not only some body damage but engine and frame as well.  I was also in the first group to go on track that morning and so everyone else now had to wait for me to be towed back to the paddock.  I apologized to all I saw but was told over and over that all had done the same.  Lies, I am sure, but still made me feel a little better.

My most recent dope move resulted in a 4 car pile up in my garage.  Pile up might be a bit harsh but 4 vehicles were damaged.  One morning in my normal hurry, I pulled into my man cave in my SUV planning to drive my Porsche that day.  As this particular 87 Porsche was a bit cold-blooded, I figured I would start it up and let it run a couple of minutes before driving it out.  Generally, I back in and take the car(s) out of gear.  You know what is coming.  Yes, I opened the door and turned the key.  It was still in reverse.  Of course it jumped back the open door catching on the SUV bumper, folding it in half and scraping the SUV.  That didn’t stop it.  Back into the front grill of the 57 Corvette, which in turn rolled back into the 77 Trans Am. I didn’t cry.  I screamed and would have knocked myself out cold had I been able to do so.  Then I cried.

When I get the Porsche door back, as it has to be replaced, I am going to write Stupid Is as Stupid Does and you Can’t Fix Stupid! on it in black paint and hang it from the wall.  There, I feel better now.